


Be with Me

by Reylo_of_light



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Christmas Miracle, F/M, I've said character death but don't worry I fix it, Post TROS but in modern day, Reylo - Freeform, Sort Of, TRoS Spoilers, father son feels, hope this helps us heal, there will be only happy endings for these two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-18 02:27:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21920314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reylo_of_light/pseuds/Reylo_of_light
Summary: After nearly dying and being saved by Ben, Rey is left hurting and waiting. She believes Ben is lost to her forever. But no one is ever really gone.Ben's spirit is lingering and has deep conversations with his father.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	Be with Me

**Author's Note:**

> I was ruined after the ending of TROS and I will accept any ending that allows both Ben and Rey to live happily ever after together instead.  
> I wrote this in modern current times just for the hell of it. But I hope the general message helps others who are hurting.  
> I based it at Christmas because it's a magical time of year that is meant to be filled with joy, so let's share in the Reylo love and use the magic of Christmas to keep the flame burning strong.
> 
> May the Force be with you Reylos
> 
> Thanks to my partner, my own Solo, love of my life who beta'd this for me and who practically carried me out of the cinema after TROS. I love you so much Reylo-in-the-Dark (Tumblr)

** Be with Me **

_I remember getting the news.  
One moment I was fine, the next, I’m dragging myself to the hospital with chronic pain. I don’t even really remember what the doctors asked about my symptoms, I hardly remember them myself, or what mumbo jumbo jargon they said after. All I know is the news they gave me finally – my kidneys had failed; I needed a transplant.  
After that, everything goes black. I don’t know what happened then, I don’t know where I was or anything, I just know I woke up and HE was there. He looked at me like I was the most incredible thing in the world, drinking in my face, almost like he might never see it again._

_Ben. My Ben._

_I was so focussed on him, just there, entirely himself and beside me, I hardly even paused to wonder why he was there, or how. The doctor was smiling in the doorway, he told me – Ben had donated a kidney to me – Ben was the reason I was ok. I didn’t hear anything else he said._

_After everything between us, Ben had saved me._

_I remember kissing him and it was everything I had ever dared to imagine. Soft and tender, but there was so much unspoken that we put into that kiss._

_I remember the dorky lopsided grin on his face as we broke apart, it might have been the most beautiful thing I had ever seen – Ben Solo smiling._

_I was exhausted, I needed rest. He left with the same grin, I woke to a note and smiled at it.  
He would come back, so I waited. I waited. And still I waited._

_But Ben never came back._

_Days passed; time flew by. I was being discharged. Still, nothing from Ben._

_It hurt, but it was nothing compared to the moment I saw that news piece on the TV. The pain when I recognised the wreckage of that vehicle was beyond anything, but it would only get worse._

_I tried everything, I called everywhere I could, I desperately looked for a loophole, but those words still rang in my head – “there were fatalities. Names are not yet released.”_

_I closed my eyes and pleaded, begged and hoped…_

Rey’s eyes flew open and she clutched at her chest and the slowly scarring wound on her side, panting, gasping for air as tears began to roll down her cheeks.

_Be with me. Be with me. Please._

She took shuddering breaths as she tried to calm her heart, but it was not helping a great deal.

_You said I wasn’t alone once. Please, please, don’t leave me alone now._

She glanced around her room, trying to focus on anything else.

_It’s ok to cry._

Her own voice reassured her inside her head and Rey gave in to it.

_He would have come back. If… if he was… ok… he wouldn’t have left me alone this long._

A sob escaped her throat and she pulled her knees up to her chest, letting herself feel everything she had been holding at bay for the past two weeks.

Ben was gone.

She’d been about to leave the hospital when she’d spotted the news on the TV. At first, she had largely ignored it, her heart still hurting from Ben’s absence despite his promise. Then she had heard the word ‘fatalities’ and looked up. Photos, she was warned were distressing, flashed in front of her, cars in various states of wreckage. Then she had seen it. She would know that vehicle anywhere. Even mangled as it was, even with the plates blurred out, Rey had collapsed into a seat in shock. That was Ben’s Whisper.

Rey had tried to call hospitals, asking for news, to know where he was. Ben had no next of kin anymore. His parents were gone. Rey needed to know what had happened to him, she needed to be there. She even called the morgues with a heart filled with lead.

She was told no information could be given during an active case. Only next of kin would be informed.

Weeks of effort proved fruitless.

Rey cried into her knees as she finally began to accept with reluctance, the truth which she had known the moment she had seen the Whisper on the TV.

Ben was dead. Gone. She had barely gotten him, and he was gone where she could not follow.

If Ben had been ok, he’d have reached out. He’d have told them to call her. He would not have left her alone, let her worry and suffer like this.

Her watery eyes landed on the note on her bedside. She had read it over and over, whispered it into the small hours like a mantra, as if it, somehow, had the power to bring him back. She kept it beside her, a talisman, a futile dream, a desperate woman’s hope.

_‘I’ll come back for you, Sweetheart’_

But Ben couldn’t come back, and no amount of tears and wishing, were going to change that.

***

There had been no pain. He’d known what was coming, he’d seen the cars flying towards him, all he’d thought of was Rey. Of the smile she’d bestowed on him when she woke, of the feel of her lips on his at last, of the way she made him feel.

Her smile was the last thing he saw in his head.

Ben Solo opened his eyes and looked around. He didn’t understand what was happening. Where was he?

“Hey kid.”

Ben froze, a deep-rooted feeling of pain and regret pulled at his heart. He knew that voice.

Turning around, Ben’s eyes found the aging face and greying hair of Han Solo. His breath caught in his throat. His father was dead.

“It’s ok, kid. Just, take a second. It’s ok.”

Han Solo reassured him, his voice soft and soothing, a gentle smile on his face, taking a step towards his son. Ben felt like the small boy who would cry to his father after a bad dream. Han would talk like that then too, quietly calming him.

“What… How…” Ben didn’t know what question he most wanted to ask.

“I know, son. There’s a lot of questions you need to ask. I don’t know if I can answer them all, but I’m here. I’m with you, kid. It’s ok.”

Han’s face was as Ben last remembered it. Weathered, aging but his eyes weren’t so tired and broken. Ben could almost see the man his father used to be in them. His lower lip trembled.

“It’s my fault…”

Han stepped forward quickly, a frown on his face and held his son firmly by the arms.

“Kid, look at me. Look at me, Ben.”

Ben reluctantly lifted his gaze, it hurt to look at his father, to see the love in his eyes even after what Ben did.

It had been Ben who had killed his father.

“You stop that right now, Ben. I forgave you even before you did it.”

“But I…”

“Kid, I’m not here to make you feel guilty.”

Ben stared at his father, not really knowing what he meant. How could he feel Han for that matter? He felt warm, solid. Ben began to look around and then stumbled, gasping and holding his heart. He could hardly stand.

Han didn’t let him fall though, he stayed beside his son, holding him.

“I’m… I’m…. Dead…”

He could not wrap his head around it.

“Technically, not.”

Han held him, soothing him.

“What… But that’s… that’s my body…”

“It is. And those machines, they’re keeping it alive. But you… ah, I’m no good at this. Luke could explain it better.”

Han ran a hand through his silver hair and Ben looked at him. Luke?

“Is he…?”

“He’s not here kid, with you. I mean he is, but not… I’m really no good at this.”

Ben might have smirked if he hadn’t been so shocked and confused. His father never had been very good at understanding or verbalising anything spiritual, emotional or anything really that wasn’t a physical thing he could work on.

“Look, you and me both know I’m not the best choice for this sort of thing…”

“So how come you’re here?”

The words left his mouth before he could really think about them.

“Because you needed me, kid.”

Ben blinked at his father.

“Don’t ask me, I don’t how it works or whatever, I just know, you needed me. And I’m here.”

“Are you here to take me… on?”

Ben asked, a slight tremble in his voice. He almost sounded like the scared boy as well as feeling like him. It made him feel small and embarrassed, ashamed even. But Han just smiled at him.

“It’s ok, son. Nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed by. I’m your old man, trust me, you’ve got no need to be embarrassed in front of me.”

He squeezed his shoulder in comfort as they sat together, staring, perhaps a little morbidly, at Ben’s body.

“I’m… I…”

“You don’t need to be scared kid, but that’s ok. It’s normal.”

“You wouldn’t have been scared.”

The childish words were out before he could stop them. Even now, he put his father on that pedestal, seeing him as the brave and fearless pilot he had so idolised. He cringed inwardly.

Han chuckled.

“You kidding? I was terrified. I’ve always been afraid of the biggest steps. Marrying your mother, having you and becoming a father, of course I was afraid when I died.”

Ben’s face fell.

“Kid,” Han softly spoke, making Ben look at him. “You misunderstand. I wasn’t afraid to die. I was afraid when I found myself in between worlds. Afraid when I didn’t know what to do next. Afraid that I had failed you, that I could never make right my wrongs.”

Ben stared at Han.

“You weren’t afraid that I was going to… when I…”

“No kid, I was not afraid.”

“But I killed you!”

Ben rose suddenly, pulling at his dark locks and pacing.

“I killed you! You should have been afraid! You should be mad! I… I tried to kill Luke! I considered killing my mother, I wanted to hurt her. All of them. For a moment, I even wanted to hurt Rey… I… I don’t deserve you here! Saying you weren’t afraid, that you’d already forgiven me when I killed you!”

He was spiralling but there was nowhere to go.

He thought of his uncle, his mother, how their last-ditch attempts to reach him at his darkest had cost them their lives.

Of his father’s acceptance of death when Ben delivered it.

He thought of Rey and the way she’d looked at him – when they first met, after he killed Han, after Luke died, of her smile when she awoke to him after the op…

“Ben, Ben! Stop, stop, come here.”

Han gave Ben no choice, he pulled him into his arms and held him tight.

Han had struggled when young Ben would cry, but whenever Ben began to spiral, Han would always find it in himself to comfort him. The awkwardness and uncomfortable feelings would go, and he’d hold his son close until his breathing evened out.

Ben cried into his father. He wasn’t a thirty-year-old man right now; he was a child. A frightened boy who was scared, hurt and confused. A boy who needed his father.

“Shush, it’s ok son. I’ve got you. I’m here.”

Ben clung to his father desperately, needing to feel him there, solid and real and reassuring. Safe.

“Come on kid, we’ve got a lot to talk about. I might mess some of it up, but I’m here and I’m going to try ok?”

It was all Ben could do to nod and let his father steer him away from his body. He didn’t know how they got there, but next moment they were sitting on a hillside that was familiar to Ben from his childhood.

“So, what do we do now? Do you take me on?”

Ben tried to keep his voice steady as he asked the question.

“Nah kid, I’m not here for that. Not unless you want it.”

“What do you mean? We saw my body… I’m only alive there because of machines…”

“Yeah, but your spirit, your soul, it doesn’t just die. Right now, you are in a kind of limbo. That’s what Luke said, you’re not dead, and not alive. What you are, is up to you.”

“I get to choose?”

“You do kid. As long as your body still lives, you can go back to it.”

Ben thought about this for a moment. Luke had said things to him like that before. But did Ben deserve to go back?

“I know that look, Benny.”

“What look?”

“You have that look on your face. The one where you are disgusted by yourself, see yourself as undeserving and unworthy.”

“I have a look for that?”

Ben asked dryly.

“Yeah you do, kid. And I’m here to tell you to wipe it off your face. Why do you loathe yourself, think you don’t deserve a second chance?”

“You know why!”

Ben raised his voice.

“I killed you! I tried to kill them! I…”

“And that doesn’t matter!”

Han raised his voice back. Ben stopped; how could it not matter?!

“Kid, we failed you. We weren’t there when you needed us. We weren’t there to protect you, support you. We let you down. We pushed you away. We bought it on ourselves…”

“No! I did it!”

“Yeah you did, but we forgave you. Ben, no one is saying what you did was great, but don’t you let it ruin your chances for a better life. We forgive you, if that’s what you need to hear. We were never angry at you Ben. It might have hurt our hearts to see you like that, see what you’d done, but only because we did it to you, we couldn’t save you.”

Han sighed and slumped.

“Ben, son, you don’t need our forgiveness, we need yours.”

“I don’t under…”

“We created this, we made you vulnerable and exposed. Ben, if anyone should be begging for forgiveness, feeling guilty and unable to move on, it’s us.”

Ben slumped down too, thinking.

“So, if I forgive you, we could all go on?”

“We could… but what about Rey?”

Ben shifted awkwardly. That was what was giving him the most trouble too. Rey.

Selfishly, he wanted her still. He thought of that smile, and he wanted to always be the reason it was there. But then, he’d think of her anger, of her tears and her hurt, and knew he was the reason for all that too.

She deserved better.

“She’ll be fine, she’s strong. And she’s better off without me.”

He mumbled quietly, pulling his knees up to his chin. The words hurt him to say, but he knew they were true.

“Is that what you think?”

Han asked in a low and gentle voice. Ben nodded miserably.

“Everyone is better off without me.”

“That’s not true kid.”

Han sounded hurt.

“It’s not true. Losing you… it was more than your mother and I could handle. Yeah, we’d had our problems, but we could never forgive each other, never forgive ourselves for losing you. For hurting you like we did. For failing you. We weren’t better without you. Lonelier maybe. Broken, guilty. But definitely not better.”

He reached, a little uncertainly, and placed a hand on Ben’s shoulder, gently squeezing it.

“And if you think she’s better off without you, maybe you need to see for yourself.”

Snow was falling now but it didn’t touch them. Ben looked at his father confused as the snow fell in a halo around him, never touching him but making him seem brighter somehow.

“Come on kid, I think you need to see for yourself whether Rey is better off without you.”

“What are you, some sort of ghost of Christmas future or something?”

Ben snarked, fear coiling in his stomach at the thought of seeing how Rey would be without him. He didn’t want confirmation of her not needing him.

“Very funny kid. You always did get snarky like that when you were afraid. Come on, we’re going to see her, right now.”

Before Ben knew what was happening, they were outside Rey’s home.

_“Honestly, Finn, I’m fine. Just tired.” Rey smiled at her best friend as he, Poe Dameron and Rose Tico stood outside her place with her._

_“It’s almost Christmas, Rey. I just don’t want you to be alone.” He looked worried._

_“I’m ok, Finn honest. It’s just been a hard few weeks, I’m still recovering from the surgery.”_

_“Lucky they managed to get a donor so quickly.” Rose commented. Rey’s stomach twisted uncomfortably._

Ben could feel it, they way her stomach twisted at the mention of the donor, of him. She hadn’t told them. He watched her hand drift to where the scar must be forming.

_“Very lucky.” She mumbled quietly._

_“At least take your card and presents. Please Rey?” Finn asked, holding out a bag to her._

Ben watched her take the bag, but he knew her well enough to know the smiled was forced, fake.

_“Are you sure there’s nothing we can do for you? Nothing else we can give you for Christmas?”_

_She smiled at her friends._

_“I have you guys, I’m alive. That’s all I could ever need or want for Christmas.”_

Ben’s heart sank, or at least, that’s how it felt. She had everything she needed. All she could want. Han squeezed his shoulder, perhaps to reassure him, perhaps to tell him to keep paying attention.

_“Just let us know if you change your mind, ok?” Finn told her as they all hugged her in turn. Rey promised she would and walked inside._

Han jerked his head towards Rey, indicating they should follow her. Ben did so, reluctantly. He didn’t see the point of following, he already knew the truth. She didn’t need him.

“You don’t know everything yet, kid…”

_Rey slumped down on her sofa and looked around, she’d scarcely decorated. She just hadn’t felt like it._

_She pulled the card from the bag Finn had given her, feeling she really ought to at least open that._

_Stuck to the front of the card was a hewn pebble in the shape of a star._

_‘Rey, this is a wishing star! Hold it tight and make a wish and the star will hear you, making all your Christmas wishes come true! Merry Christmas! Love Finn x’_

_She pulled the pebble off and looked at it, turning it over in her fingers._

Ben wanted to go. He couldn’t read her like he used to. He could feel her doubt, her cynicism. Rey had always been hopeful; she’d always believed in things. It was horrible to see her without it. Ben tried to walk away.

Han grabbed him.

“Not yet.”

So as much as it hurt, to look at the woman he loved, knowing she didn’t need him, didn’t want him, Ben forced his gaze back to her.

Rey suddenly looked up, looking towards them. Ben felt something hammer in his chest. He’d say it was his heart but that wasn’t possible right now, unless he had a phantom heart?

Rey stood and moved towards them; Ben held his breath.

But she stopped, sighed and returned to the sofa.

_“You’re not here.”_

Ben hardly dared believe it. He moved towards her.

“Rey, I’m here, sweetheart.”

He reached out to touch her face but made no contact. She shivered slightly and Ben recoiled – she couldn’t see him, feel him, hear him. The connection they’d once shared, felt dead and gone.

He stumbled back towards his father, Han gripped his shoulders tight, watching Rey with him.

“She can’t see us. We’re between worlds.”

He explained gently, his thumbs rubbing the tops of Ben’s arms in quiet consolation.

Rey was staring at the pebble again and turning it over in her hands. She glanced back to where they were, unseeing, and then squeezed it tight, closing her eyes and whispering –

_“Be with me. Please. Be with me.”_

Ben gasped audibly but she couldn’t hear.

_“Please…” Her voice cracked and tears rolled down her cheeks. “You told me I wasn’t alone… You promised… promised to come back…”_

She was… she was talking about him. Han smiled sadly at him in the corner of his vision.

_“Please, Ben, don’t leave me alone. Come back to me. Be with me. Be with me.”_

Ben’s feet carried him forwards without him knowing. She was crying. She was hurting. He wanted to wipe away her tears. He focussed on her, on the connection he had always felt with her, and reached out to gently brush away a tear as it fell, feeling wetness on his fingertip.

Her eyes flew open and she gasped aloud

_“Ben…”_

He stared at her, hardly daring to believe it, but as she began to look around the room, as her lips trembled and tears fell heavier, his hopes were dashed.

She dropped the pebble and curled in on herself and began to cry in earnest.

She still couldn’t see him. And he was still causing her tears.

Han gently tugged on his shoulder, pulling him back until they were standing beside his body again.

“It’s ok, son.”

Ben felt like crying himself. It hurt to see her like that.

“She… she…”

“She wants you back kid. She didn’t know why you never came back. Then she saw your car on the news…”

It suddenly hit Ben with the force of, well, the accident he supposed. He doubled over slightly and stumbled. He heard the screech of tires, smelt burning rubber, fire and gas. He felt pain.

“She thinks you’re dead.”

It hurt worse hearing that. Ben couldn’t breathe. He didn’t know what to do, how to do it.

Han smiled at him and placed a hand on his face. It was like waking up.

Ben stared at him.

“I know what I have to do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.”

“You do, Ben.”

Han replied with a soft smile.

There was so much else to say, so much else he needed to know…

“We’re always with you, kid. But let’s not see each other like this again for a while, yeah?”

Ben couldn’t find the words.

“It’s ok, Ben. You’re my son. Go back. Be happy. Take that second chance. It’s all we want. You think your mother wants to see me come back with you? No, she wants you to be happy.”

Ben shook his head in his father’s hand, but Han understood.

“We couldn’t save you before, we couldn’t help you then, but maybe we can now. If you can have another chance, if you can be happy, then it was all worth it.”

“Dad…”

Ben tried to find the words he hadn’t been able to say since he was a child.

“I know.”

Han brushed his thumb over Ben’s cheek, taking away the need to find the words. Han knew. Ben knew. And he knew that his mother, Luke, they did too.

He smiled at his father and took a shuddering breath, closing his eyes and reaching out towards himself…

… and Ben Solo’s eyes flew open.

***

Rey had really tried to get in the spirit. It was Christmas eve. She’d placed Finn and the other’s gifts under a tiny tree in the corner and lamely hung a bit of tatty tinsel over the wall.

Now she was trying not to cry as she listened to Christmas music, the little star pebble resting on top of Ben’s note on the coffee table, both a sign of empty promises.

“I just want you here tonight, holding on to me so tight…”

She sang through tears. Rey had given up fighting the tears as soon as the song started, she just sobbed along to the lyrics.

“Baby all I want for Christmas is…You.” She gave up singing and just cried.

All she wanted was Ben.

For a fleeting moment the other day, she’d almost felt that connection, that feeling she associated with Ben, when she wished on the star. She’d let herself believe for that moment; she was about to see him again. She’d been wrong.

So now she just cried as the song blared on.

The doorbell went. Rey ignored it. It would only be Finn and the others worrying about her. She didn’t want to see them. She hadn’t been able to find a way to tell them. To tell them how she’d been secretly in love with the man they knew as ‘Kylo Ren’, how she’d seen him as Ben, how Ben had saved her, how they’d finally shared a kiss, holding each other, how he had promised he’d come back for her, how he hadn’t, how he’d been in an accident, and how she’d lost him.

The doorbell went again.

She kept ignoring it, letting herself grieve the man she’d loved. She could only hope he knew before he died.

Again, the doorbell went.

He had to have known. They’d said so much with that kiss. The way they’d looked at each other. His smile, surely that smile was because he knew.

Doorbell.

Oh, what she wouldn’t give to see that smile again. But it was gone. She was alone.

Doorbell.

_You’re not alone._

She heard herself say. She cried harder and shook her head, splashing tears everywhere.

“I am. I’m alone now. He’s gone.”

Doorbell.

_You’re not alone. You don’t have to be. You have friends. Don’t shut them out. Don’t make yourself be alone._

Doorbell.

_He wouldn’t want that. Just let them in, tell them everything._

Doorbell.

Rey wiped her eyes. She was right, Ben wouldn’t want her to be alone. Her friends deserved to know why she’d been distant, why she’d been faking a smile every time she saw them. They’d comfort her, make her feel less lonely, and they’d help her deal with her grief.

The doorbell went again.

Rey turned off the music and took a deep breath, walking to answer it.

For Ben, for Ben, she would find a way to heal. For Ben, she would refuse to be lonely.

The doorbell rang again, insistent and desperate.

Rey finally reached up to unlock the door with shaking hands.

But it wasn’t Finn’s face on the other side. It wasn’t even Rose or Poe.

She gasped and stumbled backwards.

His face split into a grin, that same dorky toothy grin he’d given her after she kissed him. His eyes drank her in hungrily, warm and rich like chocolate or coffee, flaked with flecks of light, golden like whisky or honey.

It felt like coming home.

“Ben?” She whispered, not trusting her eyes.

“I promised I would come back for you, sweetheart.”

His voice was as soothing and velvety as she remembered. She reached a hand up to his face, needing to prove to herself, this wasn’t a dream.

His pale skin was soft and warm under her touch.

Tears pooled in her eyes again, but this time, tears of joy. He brushed them away, still smiling at her.

She drank in his face, fearing she’d never get enough of it.

Ben was here. He was alive. He came back for her.

“I don’t under…”

“I was in a coma. But all that matters, is I’m here now. I’m with you. You’re not alone.”

“Neither are you.”

She replied as she cried.

He brushed away a tear and looked at her seriously.

“I will always come back for you, sweetheart.”

Rey believed it, and she pressed her lips to his, feeling their softness, their warmth, the life pulsing through him, tasting their promise.

He was here, he was hers.

They found each other and that was the most perfect magic in the world.

Two halves of one whole, reunited again, and this time, nothing would break them apart.

They had a second chance, and both Ben and Rey intended to take it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to you all, for still being here.  
> Reylos are family and the Force will be with us.


End file.
